Life After Divorce: Picking up the Pieces and Moving On

by Brent Crouch

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To those living in the aftermath of a still raw divorce, the very term "life after divorce" can seem utterly ludicrous. Those close to you may, with the best of intentions but with very little real insight into the situation, tell you with seeming callousness that everything is going to get better and that you need to move on. There really is truth in what they say-things will get better-but only when one chooses to take the helm and plot a new direction for oneself.

In fixating on things you cannot change, you are allowing others to manipulate your emotions and thoughts. You are ultimately in control of the way you react to obstacles in life. You aren't doing yourself any favors by obsessing over the past or putting all your hopes into a distant future. Live for the now, and do what's right for yourself.

Your bank accounts have all been changed. You've found a new place to live. So now what? A huge pat of yourself and your identity has been wrapped up in being someone else's significant other. Now that you're on your own, who and what are you supposed to be? Many newly divorced people feel this sense of loss of self at first.

A perceived loss of identity will hamper your self-esteem, your personal growth and development, your will to overcome problems in your life. And these are exactly the traits you need most right now. Focus on who you are as an individual and what you want out of your new life.

Many newly single people find counseling and therapy very helpful in the process of rebuilding a new life. Another good way to start fresh is to immerse oneself in new activities, hobbies, and groups. Put some distance between your old married self and your new single self. Discover a new talent or passion, or rediscover one you may have had to set aside over the years.

The internet has opened up a whole new world of possibilities when it comes to meeting new people. Online websites, forums, chat rooms, and dating services are all easy to find today. Many people like the more low-key manner of striking up a relationship to be found in online dating service. This is especially good for people who have recently been divorced, as getting entangled in a serious relationship right after breaking free of one is a recipe for failure. Online dating is also beneficial in that it allows more time to get to know someone's personality before the physical aspect of the relationship starts to complicate things.

There are also groups specifically dedicated to divorced parents, where both children and adults can join together to participate in various activities, or to attend different events designed to encourage mingling and meeting new people. This also great for children who are struggling with the idea of divorce as it enables them to meet others in the same situation. Of course, there are also community centers, libraries, book stores, bars, and social halls that have regular events geared toward singles.

Never look to another person to replace someone else, or to be the controller of your happiness or destiny. You are the only who is capable of making yourself truly happy, and expecting that from someone else is not only unfair to them, but also unrealistic.

Brent Crouch is the owner of AdulteryDivorce.net. He has dedicated this site to sharing advice on divorce and dealing with issues concering dating after divorce.



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