Few things in life can be as shattering as the shock of betrayal by one's spouse. In many such instances, the devastation is too great and the only realistic solution is a divorce. It is, however, not always impossible to salvage the marriage. After the initial state of disbelief, any further attempts to reconcile oneself with the situation begs the question: "Is it worth it to try to save my marriage?" If one's answer is yes, consider the following.
The anger, pain, and shock that will occur after discover one's spouse has broken their vows may seem at first to become a permanent state of living. Remember, by allowing these feelings to control oneself, one is giving one's fraudulent spouse complete power over the situation. One ultimately has to make the decision for oneself whether or not to move or to try to fix what has been broken. It lies in the wronged spouse to be honest with oneself and decide whether or not they can truly forgive such a transgression.
Marriage counselors continuously hear, "I have no choice but to save my marriage. We have to stay together for our children." This belief is noble but can do more harm than good. An unhealthy marriage will create an environment of hostility and suspicion that no child will benefit from growing up in.
There's a reason the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" persists-in many cases it is unfortunately the truth. Past behavior is often the best indicator of future behavior. That's not to say that people are always incapable of changing. If one's spouse is truly remorseful and ready to do everything in their power to prove themselves trustworthy, and one is truly willing to give them a chance to do so, it may be possible that the relationship can be healed.
If one finds oneself bringing up the injury to oneself over and over again and one simply cannot help oneself from raising painful memories, it is probably much healthier for one to move on from the relationship. If, however, one has resolved to stay in the relationship, be aware of the strength and fortitude it will require to repair the damage that has been done.
Professional counseling can be very helpful in working through the complicated issues surrounding infidelity. There are also many websites and forums dedicated to providing advice and support for those experiencing this struggle. In any case, be sure to surround oneself with good, trustworthy friends who have empathy for what one is dealing with.
Brent Crouch is the owner of BrentCrouch.com and the creator of MarriageEtc.com. He has dedicated this site for those interested in finding Free Information on How to Have Healthy Marriages.
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